(well it's those ears)
It's a lovely fresh windy evening here near Fremantle in Western Aussieland and boy.. what a day. Right now my little darlings are bathing and getting ready for bed (gosh their penile infatuation, does it ever end?) and I'm attempting to water the garden in 15 minute intervals.. (Move sprinkler, get wet in the process, wait 15 minutes - forget and then rush out to move the sprinkler, get wet.. repeat)
My second eldest son just referred to his brother by first name and surname, which is a trait a mother uses to let child know he's in the shit. Quite hilarious hearing "_____ _______!!!! pick up the towel in the bathroom". Now there's nothing worse than a precocious 6 - nearly - 7 yr old so I nipped that in the bud! (Mental note.. just use first names from now on).
Somehow got volunteered today into owning a kitten. Now in all honesty, I'm really a canis familiaris kinda gal myself, as well as a fan of the class reptilia,which usually isn't a female trait so I've come to learn. I'm especially fond of turtles and lizards... anyway... acquired a kitten, a female, grey and white called "pom pom". Well she does look like one.. small, white and fluffy... but here in Australia, a "Pom" is a nickname for a person hailing from the Motherland
I'll post a pic of her in a minute. Got to go and change the sprinkler........*goes off*
Right, now I'm successfully wet again, I shall continue.
Seems Pom Pom has settled in quite well and is chucking spazzes all over the house. She's hilarious to watch... this sudden BURST of energy, breaking into a speed that the Daedalus would be envious of, only to fall flat on the couch in a comatose doze... It's all or nothing with her so I'm finding out.
Ok.. best describe how I live. Well I'm a 'single mum', please don't pigeonhole me... so many do, assuming that we neglect our kids, live off welfare and use most of it to go out and attract men, to buy cigarettes and the like. I hate stereotyping. For the record, I don't smoke, don't go out looking for men and LOVE LOVE my beautiful boys. They always have and always will, come first.
Basically I'm a single mother because my ex found a new woman on the internet and neglected to tell me he was leaving me until ...well he didn't tell me.. skip that.. he just took off ...and it took alot of suspicion on my behalf, followed by eagle eye detective work (ok I exaggerate because my ex wasn't too cerebral and sucked at the internet/covering tracks bit )... so therefore I found out pretty soon enough that he'd pissed off for a bit of arse in the U.S. Sorry..... ass. She's American.. from Noo Yawk.
I'll probably do a few rants about him in the future because he sucks arse as a consistent father to his kids. Just recently he left for two months and left me without child support, which was half my living money.. so that was fun. Not. He's in the process now of 'paying me back'...good timing. Right near yuletide, so well... buying pressies for the kids is getting a bit hairy.
I wrote a Christmas poem from the Aussie perspective. Nothing's more ridiculous than handing over cards here in 100 deg F heat depicting SNOW.. and Santa... in a suit that would have him sweating buckets if he were to crash land his sleigh in the Simpson desert in the middle of the day. Why DO we exchange snowy cards, cook and partake in a turkey dinner when outside the plants are wilting in the heat and the unlucky ones are inside, jostling for position in front of a fan???
I'm 45 and for the first time EVER this Christmas, I will enjoy Christmas (we don't have to say "Holidays" because the stupid PC laws haven't demanded it - yet) in AIR CONDITIONING.
So good I'll say it twice.
It's worth the 50 smackas I fork out each week paying it off. No more suffering in the heat for me!
So anyway, here's my poem and yes I wrote it!
Cicadas tocking in the summer's day
Expecting Santa on his sleigh?
No way mate! You're down under!
Cast those snowy thoughts asunder!
Santa rides with Kangas here
Talk about bloody strange reindeer!
Antlers strapped to their kanga heads
with rope that's used for the tying threads..
Santa's sleigh is an old crate box
filled with stockings made of old work socks
Sorry mate but you won't hear bells
Cover yer ears as Santa yells
COOEEEE COBBER, IT'S AN AUSSIE CHRISTMAS!
I'll need a beer after all this business!
Get rid of all your red suit thoughts
Santa here wears stubbie shorts..
Red ones with a little white trim
Ocker Santa, no mistakin' him..
A white T shirt over a nice pot gut
Roof over the toolshed , with a hairy butt
Those shorts need lifting Santa mate
don't look like that when yer through the gate..
He won't wear boots , too flamin' hot!
he thought he'd give those thongs a shot
What's on his head, red hat's a NO..
He wears an akubra round here ya know
That crumpled hat a Christmas bonnet
with that bloody koala sittin' on it
He's our dinkum santa, our yuletide mate
with his kangas bouncin' out the gate...
COOOEEEEE COBBER , IT'S AN AUSSIE CHRISTMAS
CHUCK US THAT BEER WHEN I FINISH THIS BUSINESS!